I still vividly remember how my life changed after my parents passed away. It felt as if the world was too big for me to conquer alone. At just 18 years old, I had to take care of my two younger siblings, who were still too young to understand the hardships of life. There was no other choice but to work odd jobs. I had worked as a porter, a shopkeeper, even a computer technician at a small repair shop.
One day, in 2016, I met Mr. Arya. At the time, I was helping a friend fix his computer at a small café. Mr. Arya approached me, watching how I worked. Without much small talk, he offered me a job at his office. He said he needed someone who could handle IT. I never expected that a man who looked so serious and dignified would give me such a big opportunity. At the office, I was the only vocational high school graduate, while most of the others were college graduates. But Mr. Arya never treated me any differently. I felt valued.
My days began to change. A steady salary and a comfortable work environment gave me some relief. But my responsibilities as an older brother never lessened. My younger brother, Dimas, has already completed his bachelor’s degree in Management, but he still hasn’t found a job. Not because there are no openings, but because he’s too picky. I even recommended him to Mr. Arya, but after the interview, Dimas turned it down because the starting salary wasn’t up to his expectations.
My younger sister, Santi, also weighs on my heart. She should have finished her midwifery studies, but instead, she got married early because she became pregnant out of wedlock. Her husband worked for a while, but after being laid off three years ago, practically all their needs have fallen on me. Even after having a child, Santi still depends on me. I often wonder, was it my fault that they turned out this way? Why did they grow into people who seem so indifferent to our situation?
I’ve thought about getting married myself several times, but it just doesn’t feel like the right time. My rented house is too cramped, and bringing a wife into that situation doesn’t seem fair — especially since I still live with Santi and her child. I can only hope that one day all of this will change.
Yesterday, my chest felt tight again. It was like being crushed by a heavy stone. At the hospital, I heard the doctor talking about narrowing of the coronary arteries. I don’t really understand medical terms, but from the doctor’s expression, I knew it wasn’t something trivial. But when I looked around, none of my siblings were there. Not even Dimas, who’s unemployed, showed up. Only the neighborhood head (Pak RT) had been by my side since the beginning.
When Mrs. Arya came to visit, she asked about my siblings. I could only smile and say that Pak RT was there to accompany me. I couldn’t complain, let alone badmouth them. They’re still my siblings, no matter how they act. I can only hope that one day they’ll understand that life isn’t just about taking, but also giving. I’ve never directly blamed them, but deep down, there’s a quiet loneliness that I can’t quite put into words.
I stared at the hospital ceiling and asked myself: How much longer must I stay strong all on my own?
Photo by Wicliff Thadeu on Unsplash
